OMG! It’s a Free Beer Mile!!

1 11 2013


That’s right, bitches and sons o’ bitches!

The Run Bitches Free Race Series proudly presents the first Beer Mile Before Monkey on November 22nd, two days before that rinky dink little marathon, The Flying Monkey, over in Personal Worst Park!

More details en route, but this race is limited to about 15 people, so if you’re one of the 4 people who might actually visit this page, and you’re dying to slam 4 beers and run up and down a truly horrific hill (this is not a PR course, bitches), let me know. We’re nearly at our limit even as I write.

Keep in mind that this event will be on a Friday afternoon (before it gets dark), so please plan ahead to make up a flimsy excuse for leaving work early on that day. There will be some food and boring non-alcoholic drinks back at Bitch Tanya and Cheryl’s house afterward, since no one who’s driving will be allowed to leave here drunk. In fact, if you’re running this, get someone to drive you, you idiot.

We also need some volunteers to stand around and check beers and murmur, “This is stupid,” and stuff. Also some spectators to heckle and so forth.

As always, there will be appallingly bad prizes for first male and female finishers, glittertastic signage, and the possibility of Pixie Stix and similar health food items along the course (LOL!). Note: the Official Training Beverage of the Run Bitches will not be making an appearance at this event since, HELLO, you’ll already be drinking beer.



OMG! It’s a FREE 5K!!!

3 04 2013


That’s right, bitches and SOBs.

Tentative (though pretty much certain) Definite date: Thursday, May 9th at 6:15 p.m. (weekday evening! Don’t act like you’re not excited!)

Where: Edwin Warner Park, picnic shelter #9

Course: Greenway out to cell tower and back. It doesn’t get any flatter than this. PRs for everyone! Even Trent!

Awards: First male and female finishers will receive prizes that are far beyond their wildest dreams.

Water Stops: HA HA HA!! At a 5K?! Hilarious!

Finish Area: Water, Gatorade, unhealthy snacks, and something XXX in a brown bag.

After Party: Either PUBlicity or Jonathan’s depending on the whims of the Run Bitches.

More updates to come. You’ll be there….RIGHT?

UPDATE: To answer some questions, the event is rain or shine, though not rain and thunder and lightning. Shelter # 9 is on the back side of Edwin Warner Park. Enter the park from Vaughn Rd. (off Old Hickory at the stop light. Percy Warner Park and the Steeple Chase are on the other side of Old Hickory at the light.) Follow the road into the park all the way to the end. You’ll see the shelter and the Run Bitches glitter-tastic banner.


7 01 2013


Well, what a GREAT day that was! Perfect weather, a fab turnout, and totally unexpected and random refreshments at the finish. Red Stag. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

Thanks to everyone who made this the perfect inaugural Run Bitches event. If you haven’t already been there, check out Elly Foster’s photos of the run.

Congrats to Phil Zimmerman and Meredith Smith, winners of the highly-coveted bottles of Bitch wine!


Nice hat, Phil!

Anyway, stay tuned for the next awesome Run Bitches Event….tentatively, a 10K on March 30th at Edwin Warner Park (on the flat greenway part…calm down, bitches).

And due to unabashed demand, there may be race series bitch t-shirts available for purchase at some point in the near future.

Thanks again, and see y’all soon!


Saturday, January 5th, 2013!

3 12 2012



Well, bitches and sons ‘o bitches, the “race” is a mere 5 days away! A group of us went out this past Saturday with a bevy of nerdtastic Garmins and measured the course and happily discovered that 13.1 is exactly this:

* Start adjacent to the port-a-potty at Wave Country (scenery!) and head down the greenway and across the bridge over the Cumberland.

* Turn left at bottom of bridge and continue on greenway, doing the loop (the backwards “P” you do at Shelby Bottoms Boogie 15K).

*Return to the bridge, cross back over and past Wave Country again and continue on greenway to mile marker 3, the turnaround point. Mile Marker 3 is at the end of the pedestrian bridge just before you get to the underpass to Kohls. There may be a water stop here.
(You will have run 8 miles at this point..)

*Simply return the way you just came from! Happily, the finish is uphill!

There will be water and the vague possibility of snacks at Wave Country. There will not, however, be directional markers on the course, but the course is pretty simple to follow.

There will definitely be truly stunning prizes for the first male and female finishers. Of course, there may be no one there to see you finish, so it’s up to you to let us know you won. (Um…)

The tentative plan is to meet up afterward for pizza, beer, and so forth at Mafiaoza’s ….Time TBD based on the group’s preference.

So, see you bitches Saturday at 9:00 a.m.!

Previous details below…….

WHAT: A half marathon. Hello.

WHERE: Start at Wave Country parking lot along the Stones River Greenway. Runs across the bridge to Shelby Bottoms Greenway for a few miles (the backwards “P” loop), then back across bridge and out to Kohls and back to Wave Country.

WHEN: Saturday, Jan. 5th at the crack of 9:00 (or later if there is any interest in a 10:00 start…)

WHO: Any dork who wants to run 13.1 miles and your gracious hostesses, The Run Bitches.

WHY: Um, because we all like to torture ourselves?


Save the date, bitches and sons ‘o bitches! It’s the race you’ve been dreaming about—Jam-packed with the word “NO!”

NO registration or entry fee!

NO chips, bibs, or anything suggesting “official”!

NO shirts, medals, cheerleaders, or sunshine blown up your fanny!

NO over-hyped and then tragic goody bags! However, we’ll be more than pleased to toss you an empty Kroger(s) bag at the start if it makes you feel better.

NO walkers (sorry!), strollers, dogs, hula hooping contingents, bands, or juggling weirdos!

NO whining, complaining, or excuses!

NO mid-race cancellation due to the possibility of rain, snow, sleet, ice, or celestial frogs!

NO late start due to traffic jams, long-winded announcements, or indifference!

NO chance of getting lost on the course! (Well, unless you’re an idiot. Come to think of it, many of us may get lost. Yay!)

NO lack of hilarity, rude shirts, and post-race beverage plans!

More info en route as the date gets closer. Please send a message to the race directors at if you think you might be interested so that we can get an idea of how many we’ll have. You may also send complaints, profanity, and suggestions we’ll be sure to ignore to this same email.

There will be water stops and even race photography by the AWESOME Elly Foster!

There may possibly be a starting gun and a clock, but don’t get your hopes up.

There will quite likely be some sort of prize for the first male and female finishers. The nature of this prize will be determined at a super-serious and important meeting of The Run Bitches in some midtown bar.